I’ve never been a touchy-feely person – and a handful of conspicuously placed tattoos, piercings, plus a perfected death-stare have usually served me well in preserving my personal space.
So when I fell pregnant, I was horrified by strangers absolute disregard for my punky exterior, and propriety; random weirdos copping a feel of my bump as if I were an inked-up Buddha – and in such seedy locations as penumbrous bus stops or Costcutters, that, had I not been with child, the scenarios would’ve surely preceded something criminal.
In these instances, however, my characteristic candour, withering looks, and extensive martial arts skills would desert me. I just felt too bad putting a stop to this violation because the intentions were never actually dodgy (I think). That and I’ve probably only ever clocked 20 minutes worth of karate class.
And it wasn’t even karate. It was katabox.
Or maybe *ahem* Zumba.
Anyhow, I’m clearly not the only one who takes issue with unsolicited touching – Google “hands off maternity wear” and you’ll come up with loads of mama accoutrement emblazoned with attitude; literally spelling out the proper etiquette for those oblivious to all the other signals many a preggers mum will send before resorting to verbal confrontation. (Surely – SURELY – no sane person wants to invoke the fury of a hormonal crazy woman?!)
(I also think that “Are you sure you wanna tempt my morning sickness with your morning breath?” would be a worthy addition for any mum-to-be doing the public transport commute.)
It’s a little late for me to be rockin’ these no-touchy tees, but I’d totally use them as my defence strategy second time around.
So; what would your slogan be?